<< Holding >>
2003-12-04, 4:02 p.m.

My world is on pause at the moment. I'm awaiting the instant when everything starts to spin again. For what I see is far too much than I had ever expected. For when the world is slowly turning around you, everything going in slow motion, you immediately notice the details. They are way too intense for me to handle in this interval of time. I have been seeking the button to play the world in 'normal' mode. I have not been very successful yet. This path in which I walk is getting more and more strange, and a little more like total pandemonium. Like the moth, entropy and chaos draws me into its spiral. It is emotion that is flooding me and keeping me from enjoying this world detail display. I'm beginning to fall into a depression. Words are left trailing behind me, "Why live?" I know the answer but I can't convince myself that it is true. Minor things that would not usually affect me are now controlling my life. I know this is just a phase in life that most people have experienced, but I cannot help but express this pain.

I now know what it is. Loneliness. I, the one who has been fighting the instinct to seek for a partnership, have now fallen. I need someone to love me.

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